In The Silence of Waiting


Waiting is hard. If waiting simply involved having patience, it would be easy enough. But sadly it’s not that simple. It involves something much deeper. In the void, in the silence, in the uncertainty of waiting, I am confronted with what lurks in the dark corners of my heart.

Often it comes in the form of a temptation – urging me to find refuge in its promise of a quick fix or shortcut around the inconvenience or discomfort I am experiencing through the wait. Other times it simply numbs me, encouraging me to tune out, deny, or compartmentalize my feelings altogether in an attempt to easily manage them.

It is the desire to Control.Silence of Waiting

Control comes innocently at first. Unassuming. Easily justified, and often accompanied by the sympathy and understanding of others who allow us to rehearse our concerns and often solidify our own plans. We all understand the desire to control because we’ve all been tempted by it. Sometimes we even wear it as a badge of honor to show we’re thoughtful, intentional, and capable.

How many times have I said in jest, “I’m such a control freak!” which is accompanied by laughter, smiles, and nods of others who wrestle with the same, and find comfort that they are part of a secret tribe. But it’s not a tribe I want to belong to.

Being “patient” and “waiting” aren’t just about letting go of control. Waiting is more than sitting by like a docile cloud. Waiting is meant to be active. It is in the waiting that God has opportunity to test our hearts and let us sift through the layers of our own sins, strongholds, and self-deceptions. It is in the silence of waiting that we are given opportunity to plow up the hard ground of our hearts, and find freedom from its bondage.

Hosea 10:12 —   I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the LORD, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.


Welcome To My Blog

I welcome you to join me in a journey of small steps into freedom–the kind of freedom and healing that the Creator who made you longs to give you.

Life is a journey, and I have been on a wonderful healing one. I can’t wait to share my journey with you and encourage you in your own.

Life is best lived out in community. No pretense. No hype. Just authenticity and realizing we’re all walking wounded.

I used to pride myself on living a life of independence and self confidence. Funny how trying to live in the strength of one’s own talents, abilities, social standing, or (insert your own bondage-in-disguise) actually gets in the way of truly living.

For me, it was easy to hide behind my talents and abilities, as if they were a badge that proved my life worthy. It wasn’t long before they became a trophy I desperately grasped and held close to my heart when threatened by a knock out round in the fight for personal significance. And so was being a perfectionist, self-confidence, control-freak, and leader.

I sought comfort in them all, but they simply couldn’t deliver. No matter how desperately I wanted them to. In fact trusting in them only led me down a path of bondage.

For you, it may be something different. Bondage is like that; it comes custom-fit to your personality and experiences, making its introduction through the bumps and bruises you encounter in this life. But don’t be embarrassed; we all fall into bondage. And because we are blind (or used) to the weight and chains, we slog through life thinking the suffocation of our soul is normal. But it isn’t.

So friend, I welcome you to join me in a journey of small steps into freedom–the kind of freedom and healing that the Creator who made you longs to give you.

The Lord sets the prisoners free… and opens the eyes of the blind… (Psalm 146:7,8)